It is amazing how being on the road, doing what I do can almost erase my personality. When I walk into a guidance office, I am often greeted by,” Are you Northeast College? Welcome. Hey Darlene? Northeast College is here, where should I put them?” Now, there are many reasons why these statements are untrue or incorrect--the thing that always irks me most is that I am not longer myself, the human being representing Northeast College but the actual college--brick, mortar and all, standing in the guidance office. The other day, I finally had enough and in my lightest of tones, responded,” Well actually, my name is Jane Doe, Northeast College’s rep, but thanks for the compliment.” After a month and half on the road, I needed to be recognized as Jane Doe, a person who eats, breathes, and shits, unlike the lovely buildings that constitute my campus. I was tired of feeling like an incomplete person, or perhaps more accurately, like a person with a double personality. At one moment I am Northeast College, enticing the smartest and most adventurous students to our campus; the next moment, I am Jane Doe, friend, sister, daughter—irreverent, funny and of course, humble.
Over the past few months I have been astonished at how often I feel out of sorts, not like myself, because I am trying so hard to adapt to a new situation in a short amount of time. Sadly, or realistically, I just take a little longer to settle in, feel comfortable and let the good times roll. I need to get my bearings, feel people out and test the waters before my true personality can come out. Instead, I have a great dual dialogue that occurs. There are the things that actually emerge from my mouth (rarely considered before coming out) and the things that I think but never share. My brain is a fun place to be, and I have to say, I am pretty damn funny, but oddly enough, people rarely ever hear those witty comments. Instead, I frequently laugh at inappropriate moments while appreciating my own internal monologue and receive unwanted attention as people try to understand why the crazy girl in the corner is laughing.
I have been fortunate in my life to have great parents, siblings and friends who just accept my quirkiness and who frequently enjoy being a part of it. At my new job and on the road, however, I have not had time to suss out my peers, nor do I have time to uncover the humors of the kids and counselors I deal with, so I can very rarely let my odd sense of humor and irreverence for many things revered emerge. Instead, it is locked away for only my enjoyment. While I am a great audience, always laughing at my jokes, I have to admit that sometimes my head is a lonely place to be.