Let's talk about the phenomenon of online dating and how odd it truly is. Online dating is supposed to help singles find a mate, email, chat, meet, fall in love, get married and make babies (last step can be eliminated for those not interested or able). These sites are set up so that lonely singles can peruse photo and profile after photo and profile of other lonely singles in search of "the one." But there are some odd double standards with online dating, both within the actual personals websites and in society.

Many attractive, well-balanced, smart and lovely people are just too busy, too shy or too tired of barhopping and clubbing to go out and meet people the old fashioned way--in person. So, the development of online dating allows them to put themselves out there into cyberspace while expending little energy or losing much time. They can check their personals mailbox from any computer to see if possibilitiies emailed them, and then, with a quick click of the mouse, they can accept or reject the prospective date. No fuss, no appeasing, no lying that it was you and not them--just a click of the mouse. Really, online dating provides a quick and easy way to get out on the dating scene, without actually having to be out on the dating scene. So where is the double standard in that, you ask?

When I see a perfectly attracitve, seemingly articulate and surprisingly funny man online, my first thought is," Why is he still single? And why does he need a computer to get a date?" Now, I am sure the irony is already striking you when you realize that I was also on the personals website, surfing for guys and there is nothing wrong with me (though that is negotiable). I always wonder if every guy who sees my picture asks himself those same questions and if that actually prevents him from emailing even though he too signed up for the program. The whole thing is just a little strange and not a little awkward.

The other double standards appear when I tell people I have posted a profile on an online dating website. Friends eyes fill with pity and they say," Honey, I had no idea you were so desperate (lonely, sad--insert any pathetic adjective)." Others say that they have a number of friends who have met some really great people through an online dating service and now they are getting married. Sometimes my friends first respond with pity and then say that they know some people who met great guys/women through the internet. And I wonder, why is it so sad to meet people online--and why is okay for their friends, or friends of friends, but not for me.

Another part of online dating that is just awkward is creating the profile. First, you take relationship and personality tests that tell you what kind of a partner you are and how you deal with life. While the results seemed fairly accurate, it is a little scary knowing that whoever clicks on my photo discovers that I am an "Individualist" and "Passionate." Just a little personal for a first meeting, don't you think? Thank God I didn't have to include my name! Then, I had to come up with a witty tag line and an informative, yet mysterious paragraph describing myself--feeling a bit like an advertising exec launching a campaign. So this little blurb is supposed to knock the socks off the reader, compel them to contact me and then....well, then what?

Then, I receive emails from men who, in no way, shape, or form fit the description I outlined. These men fail to use proper punctuation, grammar or decorum. Incomplete sentences, IM lingo and other such abominations fill the screen--and these are men in their 30s. Shame on them! Some men decide to be a little racy in their emails, writing things that make me say,"EWWWWW!" rather loudly. I mean nothing truly disturbing, but come on....a little respect. Periodically I wonder if I get these weird ones because I am a redhead, and people have all sorts of preconceived notions about what redheads want/don't want, do/won't do, etc. Other times, I sadly realize that these perverts probably scan the personals regularly just hoping for a repsonse, giving online dating a bad name. Some guys write nice little emails, filled with spelling errors and IM lingo, talking about what they are looking for and what they do. Thankfully, the personals people provide drop down menus of replies so when I don't think the guy is a match, I can click, reject and move on pretty quickly--or, if he does seem nice, I can write my own reply to continue the conversation. The problem is, it is easy to forget that a person with feelings sits on the receiving end of my drop down menu responses. While some men are just seeing what's out there, others may be lonely, hoping to make a some kind of fruitful, honest connection.

It is hard to know what people hope to gain from online dating. I can say, however, that I had to swallow my pride to sign up and I will feel a certain amount of glee when I terminate my profile (in about 3 days because it will no longer be free). This experience has humbled me, and made me think twice about making fun of online daters. Each and every one of us is looking for a deep, sustainable connection with another human and for some, online dating is a way to put themselves out there. And putting yourself out there takes guts!